Recently, I've come to enjoy writing about my thoughts and experiences. It helps me think things out and release some stress. Being a kid in high school still, it's great to find some way to relieve that stress.
School is truly one of the most despicable places where one can be subjected to so much hatred and judgement. It’s impossible to escape it, the building is filled with big face smiles and people who group together calling themselves “friends”. It’s amusing to see how fast these “friendships” end, one day they can be sharing advice with one another and embrace one another with hugs and the next day it can seem like nothing had ever happened between them. Eye contact is averted, people resort to hiding and secrets that one believed to be confidential have spread like wild fire.
At first I thought the solution was easy, think positively and do what makes you happy, but eventually it’s relaxing effect will wear off. My eye sight may be blurred and my perception deceived, but I have never seen so clearly. Teenagers don’t care for anyone but themselves, and they find amusement in others misfortune, even better when they cause it.
What they don’t know is that this misfortune affects so much more than what they see. Emotions are built up inside, consisting of grief and dismay mixed together with a constant bombardment of hate and what they believe to be as playful teases has created a pit of depression. Giving a person suicidal ideation and violent fantasies.
Isn’t it enough to deal with the workload of school, I cannot imagine what others in similar situations are feeling. I will not resort to such meaningless tactics like joining Facebook groups filled with strangers thinking that saying “You’re beautiful” to someone which they will never meet or connect with, will make a difference.
I have changed more than I ever thought I would this year, at first I thought it was for the better and that it will lead me to a path of success and enlightenment. What I’ve seen from this path so far is nothing but pain, solitude and aggression. Friends have betrayed each other and people are unable to control bottled-up feelings.
I am scared to see what will happen to me for the next three months. My current state gives me a pessimistic outlook, I fear that I will become what I what I have avoided all year. Angry and violent, harming others and myself.
"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
"In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."
"You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
"Doesn’t matter if you won by a minute, second or milisecond, winning is winning."